Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The story of a heart-shaped potato chip

I cried today.

I'm sick. And tired. And my kids are sick. And grouchy and tired. And Spencer is sick. And dizzy and nauseous. And tired.
As they say…I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I don't cry very often. And I 'feel down' even less.
I really am an optimist.
I try to find beauty in everything.  I think there's always a silver lining.
My glass is half-full. My glasses, rose colored.  And they lived happily ever after. And all that optimistic blah, blah, blah.
I don't think being optimistic makes me better. I don't think it makes me worse. It just makes me…ME!
It might make me naive. It might make me sappy. It might make you gag.
But, that's me. It's who I am.
An optimist.

But today.
Today I'd had it. I was frustrated. And overwhelmed. And did I mention we're sick. AGAIN!
I tried to handle today with a smile. With dignity and grace. But I was fresh out of all those things.
My kids wouldn't stop C R Y I N G!
My head was spinning. I couldn't breathe out my nose.
And I wanted nothing more than to crawl up in my bed and pull the blankets over my head.
But, I couldn't. I can't. Because I'm a mom. And my kids, they were C R Y I N G, and lunch needed made and favorite toys found, and stories read, and noses wiped.
Plus, my sick husband was already upstairs on my side of the bed, with the blankets over his head.
So I endured. The best I could.

And then when I felt I just couldn't endure anymore.
…both the kids took a nap.
God is good.

The house was quiet. The fire a'blazin. I curled up on the end of the couch with a blanket. AND C R I E D! I felt sorry for myself. Which only caused more tears. More C R Y I N G.
And right when I was getting into a real good cry-fest, Brynlee woke up.
She called for me. Told me her "body hurt all over" and asked me to "snuggle her with both my arms".
And so I did. We curled up on the end of the couch together. Snuggling. And eating Ruffles cheddar and sour cream chips.
Because of all the congestion neither of us could taste a thing. But the greasy empty calories still tasted good.

Then Brynlee pulled a chip from the bag. Looked at it for a bit. Then handed it to me saying, "Look! A heart, mommy. You can have it."
I took the heart chip from her little hand, and while fighting back tears snuggled her tightly and said, "Thanks Brynlee. I love it. I love you! You're my favorite little girl."
And then as she kissed my cheek she replied, "And you're my favoritist mommy. I love you!"

And suddenly it was all worth it.!
Which made me cry again. But this time very different tears.
Tears of joy. Of happiness. And love.
Tears of family. And togetherness. And motherhood.
Tears of joy and delight. Of optimism. And sappy-ness.
(I mean it was a potato chip for crying out loud)

I know I'm far from perfect. I know there are times I screw-up. I can be controlling. My house gets messy. Sometimes we spend the entire morning watching cartoons. And forget to brush our teeth.
But you want to know what. I'm happy. And loved.
And at the end of the day that's all that really matters.


Lindsey Lou said...

I am sorry to hear you have all been ill. I am definitely ready to have it be warm outside and no more sickness involved. Thanks for the insight into what is really important.

MattandChandra said...

Oh Kim, there is nothing worse than a sick child but for you and Spencer to both be sick also is just too much!! I am so Sorry! You are definitely an optimist!!I hope you all feel better soon!

Miranda said...

Well said lady.

Mikey, Anna, Lillie and Sam said...

Maybe the black mold in your kitchen was really keeping out all the sickness and now that that's gone it being sick keeps comein'. Being so close to delivery, plus I am a sap myself, you totally made me cry. So thanks for the happy tires:)

Kali Jo said...

ahhwwwa I am so sorry you all are sick. It has been a rough year at my house too. I keep thinking now that I have a secreatary doing most of my work my body decided that I must have time to be sick. Let my tell you something. I don't cause I too am a mom and moms just don't have time to be sick!

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