Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Does this toilet bowl make my bicep look huge?

For you, my dear readers, five clues that you’ve taken a wrong turn on the interstate and ended up in podunk Idaho.

One.  You get lost and take a random exit {no services, of course} and end up getting stuck behind two traffic jams.  The first is caused by ten cars waiting to pass a tractor and the second is due to three 4x4’s stopped in the middle of the road to discuss water rights and crop stats.

Two.  You ask one of the men in the stopped 4x4 {he’s wearing overalls} for directions and he answers: turn by Bank’s house, go 2 blocks east to Anderson's, turn left at Nelson’s Old Barn. . .  
Three.  You gag – gasp for clean air – and disgustingly mutter “it smells like cow poop”.  A local sitting next to you leans back, rests his hands on his 87 pound belt buckle and answers, “ahhh shucks, smells like money to me”.
Three.  At a community wide picnic {fried chicken, potluck salads, and all the Shasta soda you can handle} you count 87 flies in a 15 minute time period; including 12 stuck in the ice cooler, 10 on Ardell Hanson’s famous potato salad, a few on the rim of your Shasta Cola and 5 {seriously five, you’ve been keeping tally} stuck in the mayor’s wife’s hair.    
Four.  You drive by the local high school parking lot and wonder who drove the grain truck to school.
Five.  Your status isn’t determined by how much money you make, how much your car cost {most the men in town own a quarter-million dollar combine that gets used two weeks a year; it’s hard to beat that} or your best golf score, but rather how far you can throw a used toilet bowl at the annual 4th of July celebration!

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One of my favorite things about the 4th of July is celebrating at my parent’s town’s small-town-tacular.  It truly is fun and the activities never disappoint.  Toilet bowl toss.  Greased pig catch.  Horse walker swing.  Free 4th of July loot.  Cake walk.  Fireworks.  And as usual all the free popcorn, pop, snow cones & cotton candy you could possibly eat.  Podunt Idaho is charming indeed.

8 comments:

Jami said...

HAHA!!!! You are just jealous ;)!!! You wish you could wake up to cow poop and 20 million flies every morning!!! Love ya!!

JHRME said...

Hah I'll have to ask my inlaws about that one! I like the buy a gun signs.... They usually make me laugh.

Jaelynn said...

Are you sure it wasn't Alan that told you that cow poop smells like money? Because that is what he says every time I run into the house with my nose plugged..

Beth said...

Sooo...did Spencer throw the toilet bowl the furthest?

Lindsey Lou said...

Hilarious!!!

Natalie said...

Wow...oh woo. Now I've seen it all LOL!

Kimberlee said...

Jaelynn- I think it may be a quote straight from my dad. I remember him saying it when we were growing up. So funny that Alan uses it too. And even funnier that you run into the house with your nose plugged. I love ya, girl!

Kimberlee said...

Beth, He actually did really well. 2nd or 3rd furthest, I believe. Funny though, the common statement was..."well that little guy over there threw it 23 feet". Like if the little dude can throw it why can't I. The guy that threw it the furthest was training for a strongest man competiton. Unfair advantage if you ask me. :)

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