Monday, June 6, 2011

Odds are it’s safest to stay in bed.

When I was 4, I fell down the stairs.  Well frankly, I lost my temper, threw a fit until I passed out, and then fell down the stairs.

At 5, my older sister and I decided it a good decision to lock ourselves in the trunk of mom’s car.  Luckily my little sister was a tattletale and mom raced to our rescue.

When I was 8, I stole all my mom’s boxed Jell-O then ate them like Fun Dip.  Licked my finger then dipped it in the Jell-O then licked my finger. Dip, lick, repeat.  Dip, lick, repeat. 

When I was 18, I carpooled to beauty school with two fellow cosmetology students - on the back of a moped.  Three girls, three backpacks, three mannequin heads, ONE moped.

And I lived. 

Here’s the thing – my husband throws my kids in the air.  He flips them haphazardly over the couch.  He pulls them down the stairs in a laundry basket.  He sends them down the sledding hill, alone.  He pushes them too high on the swing, and makes them “fly to the sky” on the trampoline, and gives them way too many treats.  And one time I busted him doing a ‘rocket ship’ with my son.  A stunt named by the two of them which is best described as unsafe for children. 

And all the while, I lecture.

Brynlee and her daddy playing 3-2-1 blast-off on the tramp.
I recently read on the internet that in any given year I have a 1 in 10,000 chance of being injured by a toilet.  A toilet?!  And since I believe everything the internet says I’ve taken that statistic as fact and tried to be more caution when near the porcelain throne.  You should too.

The statistic sparked my interest and I let the internet teach me more:

·         Odds of injury while mowing the lawn: 1 in 3,623
·         Odds of being struck by lightning: 1 in 576,000
·         Odds of dying from falling out of bed or a chair: 1 in 423,548
·         Odds of dying if your pajamas or nightgown catch on fire: 1 in 30,589,556
·         Odds of dying from choking on food: 1 in 370,035
Odds are that my children probably aren’t going to die from hitting their head on our {15 foot!} ceiling when dad throws them in the air or suffer extreme pain when thrown from a high flying park swing that’s gone off track.  In fact, they probably have a better chance of choking on something I serve them for dinner than dying from a horrible laundry basket accident in which dad was recklessly driving.

So, I’ve concluded that I’ll let dad be dad.  And do dad things - even when dad things aren’t mom approved.

And while he’s busy being dad, I’ll be mom.  I’ll lecture him on getting the kids “all hyped up at bedtime” and roll my eyes when he happily serves them an ice-cream cone 10 MINUTES BEFORE DINNER! And I’ll let out an audible gasp when I think his newest stunt is pushing circus danger.  I’ll tell him not to be so rough, and to quit teasing the kids, and that the ‘rocket ship’ is to never, ever, ever be done again.  Well, except for one more time . . . but wait until I get my camera.  Because lecturing dads and taking pictures – it’s just what mom’s do. 

And saying a little prayer when dad’s around never hurt either.

A still image taken from the video titled Spence and Jace doing the 'rocket ship'


sarah louise said...

Except if you are a Francis the odds change, and never in your favor. We never do dangerous things, cause even simple things around here lead to hospital visits. Sigh. No rocket ship for us.

Jami said...

BOY. oh BOY. That husband of yours is quite the guy! He is a super fun daddy/uncle for the kids!

Natalie said...

Those are some crazy statistics! Who knew you could die on the toilet? Keep up the crazy rocket ship!

Jo (@ boogaloo) said...

I SO feel your pain. Just reading your post makes me cringe because I know exactly what you are talking about!!! I always try and remember something I was taught in my child development class- something about 'rough' play being a natural part of dad's role in the family, while moms are typically the nurturers,... or maybe the ones to kiss the boo boos that daddy caused?!

tharker said...

My husband does stuff like this with the kids all the time too. I gave up on trying to actively stop him years ago. Now, I too have resorted to the obligatory mother's eye roll. It scares the junk out of me, but secretly I love it because my kids love it.

caihay said...

I loved this post. It was adorable.
i want to be just like you when i grow up.
also, which cosmetology school did you go to? in precisely 2 months, I'll begin to attend paul mitchell in provo, utah. i'd love you chat with you about hairschools.
you may email me at

Debbie said...

This cracked me up! lol
I gave you the Versatile Blogger award.

ashley.warner said...

cuteeeee blog!

Anonymous said...

I'm your newest follower. Stopping by from McCormick Madness!

Lacy said...

hahaha. I love it. "best titled, unsafe" "3 girls, 3 back packs, 3 manequin heads, 1 MOPED" sigh, yes, it's been far too long since I've read your blog.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...