an assemblage of short stories

The other day we were riding in the car when Poison's "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" came on the radio. After Spence and I belted out the chorus Spencer stated, "This song was the shiz back in the day. We'd listen to it and cry while peggin' our pants."

Oh my goodness, I laughed.  AND LAUGHED.

Because the image of Spencer and his buddies crying to Poison. Funny!

The image of Spence rocking the PEGGED pants. Hil-ar-ious!

*****

We bought a new canopy bed frame. I found it on a random search on Craigslist. When I told my mom about my Craigslist find she paused, looked at me and muttered, "Craigslist!? {gasp} Isn't that some kind of sex thing!"

*****

And speaking of our new bed, when we got it home we realized that there was NO WAY, NO HOW we were going to be able to fit the MASSIVE BED in all its MASSIVE GLORY into our master bedroom doorframe. {Aside from a stick of dynamite…and don't think we didn't think about it}.

We hauled the bed out of the back of the truck, through the double red doors, up the stairs, down the hallway and to the doorframe leading to our master bedroom.

"SSSHUT-UP! (audible swallow) there's no possible way this thing's gonna fit" I grumbled to Spencer.

So we hauled the bed back down the hallway, around the corner, down the stairs and into the living room. A process that included much grunting on my part. I threw myself on the couch next to the MASSIVE BED in all its MASSIVE GLORY and plotted on how we were going to get the large about of money back for a MASSIVE BED in all its MASSIVE GLORY that wouldn't fit into our master bedroom.

"We've just handed a wad of money to a complete stranger on Craigslist {not the sex one, the other one} for a bed that will obviously have to be used as high-end firewood", I grunted.

{No.  I don't typically overreact.  Why do you ask?}

While I was busy whining and complaining, Spence went all Mythbusters on me. He made a paper cutout of the doorframe. TO SCALE! And a paper cutout of the bed frame. TO SCALE! And tried different angle and degrees and then finally scientifically articulated, "by my calculation if you stand on one foot while holding your arm up in the air like this and then give me a 'woot woot' I'm about 68.5 percent certain we will be able to get the MASSIVE BED in all its MASSIVE GLORY into our bedroom."**

And so we tried it. And, get this…IT WORKED!

We only had to make a few small incisions {as in completely dismantle} the canopy portion of the bed, and then after a long night and a whole lot of through the double red doors, up the stairs, down the hallway and to the doorframe leading to our master bedroom. We finally got the MASSIVE BED in all its MASSIVE GLORY into our master bedroom.

This is the part that you all stand and applaud.

No really, STAND. NOW A P P L A U D!

Thank you.

**he may or may not have said that exact phrase

*****

And then we bought a new mattress. Do you want to know what sucks? Buying a new mattress.

End story.

*****

On Sunday I took a nap. Spence and the kids got into my 30 year supply of dish sponges. {What?! I'm Mormom.  And I shop at Costco.  Geez.} 

While I napped, they made these.

Jace has carried around a sponge ever since.

*****

One of my best friends from high school, Lacy, and her two adorable children came and stayed with us last weekend. When they arrived I was in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on dinner. Jadelyn, Lacy's six year old daughter, walked into the kitchen and upon seeing me stopped dead in her tracks, "Oh" she surprisingly exclaimed, "You don't look ONE BIT how I'd imaged!"

Well.

Alrighty then.

What had she imaged? And how did I not resemble that. ONE BIT!

I'm sure it was my radiating beauty that caught her by surprise. Or…maybe not.

But, maybe.

*****

It was so fun to have Lacy over. SO FUN! Like WAY FUN, you guys. It was just like a high school sleep-over. I even had a big'ole zit on my chin to boot. So you know…just like high school. Expect instead of staying up ALL.NIGHT.LONG talking about our current boyfriend situations and what so-and-so said during the football game we instead stayed up {almost} ALL.NIGHT.LONG and talked about the joys of family life, trials and tribulations we've overcome and how we parent and wife. Oh but don't worry it was also peppered with a little who married who. Which led to a little who divorced who. And there were some, "Oh my gosh did you hear yada, yada, yada…," and "Speaking of that did you know blah, blah, blah…"! So yeah, just like high school. Expect with a whole lot less LIKE TOTALLY's!

I've always loved to talk to Lacy. She makes me comfortable. She validates me. She listens and advises. Sometimes I regret things I say. But, not with Lacy. Not once did I have that 'well now, THAT was a bit too much information, wasn't it Kim'  kind of feeling. And really, if you know me, that's saying something.

Let's do it again, Lacy. LIKE TOTALLY do it again!