You might be a redneck if…

You might be a redneck if … You’ve been sportin’ this as your dinner table centerpiece since last Saturday’s weight lifting competition. You might be a redneck if … Your idea of a good time is building toilet paper towers. You might be a redneck if … You’ve ever roasted marshmallows for s’mores on your wood burning stove. You might be a redneck if … You assign your little sister to bring the relish plate for Thanksgiving dinner and she shows up with this. You might be a redneck if … You served this with a side of mashed potatoes and stuffing for Thanksgiving dinner! Thanksgiving ‘07: The Year We Slightly Overcooked the Fried Turkey! Thanksgiving ’08: The year that I was merciless in the amount of times I reminded Spence to check the turkey. And after I realized that I might be getting a tiny bit annoying, I demanded that the girls keep a close eye on him. And they did! Hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving filled with food, family, fun and perfectly golden browned turkey!

My Husband, the Superhero

Let me just start by informing ya’ll that we are hosting my side of the families Thanksgiving at our house this year. So what I am getting at is I’ve got things to get done! Including some semi-important Thanksgiving dinner stuff like getting groceries and thawing the turkey!

Both the kids are down for a nap. I’ve had two diet cokes, have rewritten my to-do list (twice) and cranked my iPod up two notches past healthy listening level in hopes of motivating myself to get moving. It’s not working!

So instead I am going to post on the blog, because procrastination is a totally unappreciated art form. I think what I am in need of is a billion dollar bailout. That would probably help getting things rolling. In fact, I’m an easy pleaser; I would even settle for a half billion.

Anyway…on to the star of this post my Idaho State Powerlifting Champion husband! In case you are wondering, here is what it takes to be a 1st place/Idaho State Champion powerlifter: Squat: 400 pounds Bench: 275 pounds Deadlift: 460 pounds This gave Spence a 1,135 pound total. Spencer lifted in the 148 pound weight class, which means that he lifted seven and half times his weight. I’m not gonna lie, he was a little disappointed that he didn’t get the 1200 lb. total that he was shooting for. He came down with a bad bug the day before d-day and didn’t feel that he had all his strength. He had planned on getting 440 for his squat, but when he squatted the 400 pounds he said, “That felt kinda heavy! I don’t think I can go up any higher in weight.” I wanted to scream, ARE YOU KIDDING ME! You just put 400 pounds on your shoulders, bent down to below parallel and then stood back up again. What do you mean that felt kinda heavy? Carrying my 12 pound baby around all day, now that’s kinda heavy! Squatting a baby elephant, that qualifies as EXTREMELY heavy!

I think that I am okay to assume that the majority of my blog readers are female (and by majority I mean all)! (with the exception of my dad, brother and husband) (but they don’t really count because, well, there my dad, brother and husband and are therefore, mandated to read it)

And with that assumption, I am also going to assume that none of you are powerlifters and consequently aren’t quite sure how heavy a 460 pound deadlift really is.

So my best friend Google and I, we did some research. 460 pounds is equal to 53 ½ gallons of milk, or 450 cans of Progresso soup, or 50-12 pack carton of diet coke, or 92 reams of computer paper. And as far as his 1135 pounds total, that means he lifted this:

Or this: Or this: Edited to add: Except for not the pumpkin, cause it was just pointed out to me that that pumpkin weighs 1,469 pounds. Oh, my dear friend Google, you did me wrong!

Pretty impressive, huh? And for the male readers (my dad, brother and husband) here is some video of his lifts. Enjoy!
Here he is benching:
And his squat:
And deadlifting:

I need some protein and a massage!

I got on here with full intentions of telling you all about today’s powerlifting meet. But, here’s the thing. This morning I was franticly running around the house like a crazed looney trying to gather up my two kids while packing snacks, cameras, diapers and coloring books for the meet. When I bent down to pick up Jace’s carseat I smacked the left side of my head on the door frame. It hurt like an expletive. I saw stars. Really! That, and the overwhelming aroma of chalk dust and ammonia capsules from the powerlifting meet has left me with nothing less than a major headache. Plus, my lower back is killing me due to the way I had to position myself on the chair at the meet in order to bounce Jace on my left leg while balancing Bryn on my right. And my right pointer finger is numb from taking all the pictures. I am seriously debating if I should ask Spencer to watch the kids while I take a power nap. Yeah, I know that he has a major head cold topped off with a sinus infection. And that he just deadlifted 460 pounds. But seriously, I’m trying to nurse what could quite possible be a bruised left earlobe from the door frame accident this morning. That level of pain knows no comparison!

I need a brownie, or six

The following is a true story and I’m not changing the names to protect the innocent because I’m bitter.

Remember this post? Well, a week and a half ago Spencer had 16 pounds to lose to make weight for his powerlifting meet. They had weigh-ins today and he made weight. Math isn’t my strongest subject, but by my calculations he lost 16 pounds in a week and a half! How fair is that?! Anyway…think good thoughts that Spence does well at his competition tomorrow.

And if anybody needs me I will be sitting on the couch with a carton of ice-cream and a spoon. Life totally isn't fair!

Mama vs. Daddy

Mama defines fun:

Daddy defines fun:

M'kay, I'm by far the cooler parent!

I don't care how many golf balls you throw down the stairs, you can't beat cleaning the toilet in your underwear, right? Right?

Rambling All the Way to Nowhere

So, here are a few things that happened last week while I was busy telling the Internet everything that nobody really cares to hear about me.

• Brynlee informed me a good fifty times that she wants to drive a school bus when she grows up. Let me be honest. For a minute I was mildly disappointed at her career of choice, but then became ecstatic when I remembered how much school bus driving school costs compared to, let’s say, law school.
• Made two trips to Costco. All the bulk shopping. I do love it.
• Made a pact with Brynlee that if she kept her clothes (panties included) on all the day long she got to choose what she did or didn’t wear to bed at night. She’s slept in the nude, or at least commando, ever since.
• Finally made a curtain to go over the sliding glass door in the kitchen. The first thing Spence said when he got home from work was, “Oh good, now I can dance naked in front of the window!” Ehh? I think what he meant to say is he could dance naked if he wanted to, but he doesn’t really want to. He is just happy that he now has that option. Needless to say we are stoked about our new curtain. And so are our neighbors!
• Spence rented two grand ole’ movies. The Scorpion King. And, The Forgotten Kingdom. Wouldn’t recommend either of them to even the worst of enemies.
• Cleaned carpets. My life. It is very fancy indeed.
• Heard an awesome talk in church about blessings and gratitude. The speaker suggested that if you couldn’t sleep you should count your blessings instead of sheep. I looked at my little family and my heart sang. I, without a doubt, am incredibly blessed!
• Promised myself to stay on top of the tags. That’s if anyone dares bore themselves by ever tagging me again. One week, all about me. It was undeniably uuuu-gly!
• Got our feelings massively hurt by two cute little girls at reading hour. I got the legendary spittin’ tongue; and they informed Brynlee that they were way smarter than her ‘cause they could read chapter books. Precious little things they were.
• My little man is smiling like crazy and has started to make the delightful little laughin’ noise. The unpracticed giggle. Oh, how it pleases me. And what they find funny never ceases to amaze me. Although I have to admit that Spence saying “Mr. Swiggles” ten octive higher than his normal speaking voice makes me giggle too.
• Oh yeah, and by the way! What the heck is Twitter? Clue me in, my dear interneters. I consulted my hubby d’engineering computer guy and he hasn’t a clue, either. Give us answers.

The end.

We will now return to regularly scheduled posting

This is the final installment of it’s all about me week. You may all tilt your head to the side and sigh a big breath of relief. In unison now! (big, long, drawn-out sigh) Both my friend, Kali Jo and my sister-in-law Sarah tagged me for this one. Kali’s tag said I was supposed to list six quirks about myself, and Sarah’s said to list seven. So I am going to compromise and list five. Your welcome! I know you are sick of hearing about me.

1. I have a reoccurring dream that my Uncle Mark (who has spent most his life in a wheelchair) turns into Kermit the Frog and can walk again. I started having the dream when I was about six years-old, and have had it at least once a year since then. The last time that I had the Kermmy dream was a week or two before Jace was born.
2. An unmade bed drives me absolutely nuts. If I don’t get my bed made in the morning I make it before I get into it at night. Actually, I lay in the bed and make Spence make it with me in it. I can’t sleep when my blankets are all crooked and weird. I think I passed this quirk on to Brynlee seeing how she has a small break down if her blanket is “goofy”.
3. I am severely addicted to lists. So addicted that I think I might have list-a-tideous (Yup, made that up right there on the spot. My wittiness never ceases to amaze me) I make a list for everything! Most of my lists I do on the computer. I have my to-do list, my shopping list, my weekly house cleaning list, my monthly cleaning list, my packing list for when we go on trips, a list for what I have for food storage, a list of all the paint colors I used throughout my house…I could keep going, but I don’t want to scare you all.
4. I actually enjoy public speaking. I would love to be a motivational speaker someday. However, speaking in church makes me slightly nauseas. I’m not sure why, but I get way nervous to give a church talk. I think it might be that I feel undereducated.
5. When washing my windows and mirrors I wipe away the Windex with newspaper. Only with newspaper, gals. Paper towels leave those pesky streaks! A Godsend trick I learned from my very own mama.

Okay, I’m done.
Promise, I’ll quick talkin’ about myself now!

Pretty is the girl that accessorizes

Ainslie tagged me for this post as well. She requested that we do both the previous relationship post and this one. I could tell from the sheer volume of CAPITAL LETTERS and exclamation points that she was serious!! Miss you, Ains. The rules: Go to your picture files. Pick the 4th file and the 4th picture in it. Tell a little about the picture. This is Brynlee on our last trip to San Fran sound asleep in the back seat of the rental car. She still has her little bear backpack on ‘cause we’re all about accessorizing. She demanded to keep it on no matter the cost or discomfort it caused her. Yup, I instilled in her at a very young age the true definition of a woman.

Testing, Testing. One, two, three.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Testing. Is this thing on?
My old roomie, Ainsle, tagged me for this meme. So here goes:

WHAT IS YOUR HUSBAND'S NAME? Daniel Spencer. Spencer is actually his middle name, but when he was a kid his siblings called him Diaper Dan and he hated it. So he insisted that he be called Spencer. And it just kinda stuck. I think he is way more of a Spencer than a Daniel, so it was a good choice.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN MARRIED? As of today, exactly five years and four months.

HOW LONG DID YOU DATE? We started officially dating in July of 2001 and we were married in July of 2003. So, for two years minus a month or two where I took my stupidity break.

HOW OLD IS HE? Thirty, baby!

WHO IS TALLER? It depends on the shoes and the hairstyle. He is taller by a smigine (which is more than a tiny bit, but less than a modest amount). Although, when I was in beauty school I was taller. I would like to thank my beauty school sponsors, Big Sexy Hairspray and a mad amount of backcombing.

WHO CAN SING BEST? He can. But if you asked the unlucky soul that gets stuck sitting in front of us at church they would probably say that the service would be a little more spiritual if both of us would quit attempting to sing and just quietly hum along.

WHO IS SMARTER? Depends on who you ask, I guess. Spencer has an enormous “gee whiz collection,” and can spit out random facts and data about almost anything. I do pretty well in the classroom setting. I think it’s because I learn quickly, but also forget quickly, so it makes brain room for the next round of info. Together we are nothing short of a true genius! Even ask us.

WHO DOES LAUNDRY? I do. I actually enjoy doing laundry. And I enjoy wearing clothes that are still the color that they were intended to be. Therefore, no laundry duties for Spencer.

WHO PAYS BILLS? That would be me again. Unless your talking about earning the money to pay the bills. That would be Spencer. My full-time mama job doesn’t pay well.

WHO SLEEPS ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BED? I do. In our first little house the left side of the bed was against the wall and it gave me the ebby gebbies to sleep that close to the wall. Don’t ask. I don’t know the answer.

WHO MOWS THE LAWN? He mows, but only after I ask him once (or 1,325 times) to get it done.

WHO COOKS DINNER? Me. Cooking dinner is really my escape. Plus, you can only eat so many bowls of cereal for dinner (Spence’s specialty) before your tongue starts to rot from all the deliciousness.

WHO'S THE FIRST TO ADMIT THEY ARE WRONG? Neither of us are ever wrong so this question doesn’t really apply.

WHO KISSED WHO FIRST? He kissed me. I’m sure I kissed back!

WHO WEARS THE PANTS? He would correctly argue that I do.

Okay, I’m nosey a hopeless romantic and therefore love to hear about others happily ever after. So anybody and everybody who reads this, and wants to play along at home, you have officially been tagged.

But Wait! There's More!

Here I am again with more of the same. However, in an attempt to change things up I recreated the rules on this tag. Hey, my blog. I can do what I want. My sis-in-law, Gretta, tagged me for this one. I am supposed to list eight things for each of the questions. But since Spence and I work better as a team, and because I can’t come up with 8 TV shows that I love to watch, we are both going to list four. Which in the end will give a total of eight. See how that works? Sheer brilliancy! 8

TV shows I love to watch
*Kim*

• American Idol! Yup, I’m one of those. Not only do I watch it, but I spend the next hour after watching it on the telephone with my sisters analyzing what just happened.
• The Office
• The True Hollywood Story (…and my dirty little secret is out, although I don’t keep up with it very good I do love me some celebrity gossip)
• Every now and again I tune into the Food Network because I think it’s healthy for me to be reminded of how slowly I chop and how poorly I eyeball ingredients.

*Spencer*

• Sponge Bob is definitely on the top of the list
• Myth Busters (explosions) can keep my attention for at least an hour (which is hard to do since I have an attention span that is smaller than Brynlee’s)
• The Office (Not so much the awkward parts with Michael)
• If I catch the first 30 seconds of Law and Order I absolutely have to watch the rest of the show just because I have to know how it ends.

8 favorite restaurants
*Kim*

• Bouillon Soup
• Chilis
• Red Lobster
• Olive Garden

*Spencer*

• Outback Steak House
• Sizzler
• Chilis
• Jack in the Box

8 things I did yesterday *Kim*

• Entertained via a tea-party, a few games on PBS.org, singing “Once There was a Snowman” so many times my head was ready to explode, and building a huge castle out of red, blue and yellow blocks.
• Snuggled, fed, changed, cuddled and rocked Jace.
• Finished the last of the painting in the kitchen.
• Laundry

*Spencer*

• Too many squats for 6:00am
• Tried to convert a program in TCL to Perl at work (Leave good enough alone)
• Jumped on the bed for about an hour with Bryn
• Had a knock down drag out fight to get Brynlee to wear her clothes

8 things I'm looking forward to
*Kim*

• Jacers sleeping through the night.
• Thanksgiving and Christmas!
• Spence’s vacations time over the holidays.
• All of our constructions projects on the house to be completely done.

*Spencer*

• Getting done with my powerlifting competition so I don’t have to be at the gym for 2 hours a day
• Getting this blog done so I can go to bed
• Thanksgiving (a holiday that celebrates food)
• Jace to be old enough so we can watch boy movies without questions like “who’s that guy”, “what just happened”, “what’s going on”

8 things on my wish list
*Kim*

• A bigger car. Preferably one that would fit Spencer, me, the kids, our luggage and the stroller.
• To take a romantic vacations with Spence (We would bring some nice souvenirs back for whomever was willing to watch our kiddos, any takers? I promise it won’t be one of those oversized shirts that says, “Somebody went to (insert vacation destination here) and all I got was this dumb t-shirt”)
• A tres fabu wardrobe.
• To never have my sweet little girl scream, “I HATE YOU, MOM” during her teenage years. Okay. Your right, I’m dreaming.

*Spencer*

• A 1200 pound total at the powerlifting meet
• Super awesome computer so my little girl can let me not play on that one either
• A Blue Ray player so I can finally watch something in true 1080p
• A grill that is diamond encrusted with “JUICY”

And if all Spence's wishes come true and he ends up with the diamond encrusted grill I would like to change my wish list to include four insanely ripped bodyguards. A smile that exposes a grill that’s diamond encrusted with the word "JUICY" is undoubtedly going to get two 5'8, pasty white peeps from the sticks KILLED!

Yup, he's a keeper!

Jace had is two month doctor appointment today. Here’s the stats: Weight: 12 lbs 6 oz That puts him in the 50th percentile for weight. Height: 23 ½ inches Putting his in the 75th percentile for height. Here is Brynlee’s stats from her two month appointment ‘cause I think it’s fun to compare and I know my mom is going to ask anyways: Weight: 9 lbs 14 oz Height: 22 inches Jace is quite a bit bigger than Brynlee was. My little man is getting so growed up! Here he is sporting his “Look at me! I’m two months, and I’m trendy” fohawk.

It’s all about me, plus more about me

Okay, let me be honest I really haven’t done so good at the whole tagging thing. I love to read others tags, and when tagged I always have the best of intentions of doing them. However, somehow I don’t ever get it done. Here’s the truth. I have been successfully striving for new levels of lazy. That’s right, my bloggen’ bone is 8% good intentions and the reaming 92% laaazzzyyy! So in an attempt to make good, I am going to be hosting an “It’s all about me!” party here at My Life Unedited. I can hear the squeals of anticipation now; it’s hard to contain this level of excitement. I was going to ask everyone to bring a gift for my party hosted by me for me, but I figured that my little sister, Jami, would be the only one that would actually bring one, and you can only use so many good intended gag gifts before they start to wear on your self-esteem. So, here’s how the par-tay is going to work. I am going to toil furiously in the blogging trenches to post one tagged post a day for an entire week. Did you hear that? One a day. For a week. In other words: don’t expect too much. One a day, for an entire week! I’m frazzled and crazed, people. FRAZZLED AND CRAZED!! So here goes.

My cousin, Janita, tagged me for this meme a good month and a half ago. Instruction: Answer the questions with one word or a little more.
1. Where is your cell phone? Good question
2. Your significant other? Love
3. Your hair? Blonde
4. Your mother? Accommodating
5. Your Father? Supportive
6. Your favorite thing? Laughing
7. Your dream last night? Oh, so weird!
8. Your favorite drink? Diet Coke
9. Your dream goal? Always be happy.
10. The room you’re in? Toy/Family Room
11. Your hobby? Decorating
12. Your fear? Death of loved one.
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Not sure.
14. What you’re not? Scrapbooker
15. Muffins? On sale at Albertsons. (Thanks Stacy)
16. One of your wishlist item? Bigger vehicle
17. Where you grew up? Stone/Filer
18. Last thing you did? Colored Winnie the Pooh with Bryn
19. What are you wearing? Blue velour jogging suit (no laughing its laundry day)
20. Favorite gadget? Laptop & iPod
21. Your pets? Nope, not a one!
22. Your computer? Essential
23. Your mood? Comfortable
24. Missing someone? Grandma B.
25. Your car? To small
26. Something you’re not wearing? Shoes
27. Favorite store? Ross Dress for Less
28. Like someone? Great friends
29. Favorite color? Red & Black
30. When was the last time you laughed? Today
31. When was the last time you cried? Sunday!

That’s all for now. My little pigtailed puppy dog is nipping at my heels demanding that I get her some more doggy food (a.k.a. Coco Puffs) and some water that she can slurp out of a bowl. I’m not going to complain ‘cause a it sure beats the all-consuming game of fetch that me and the little doggy just finished.

Not sure how these two things fit together...

We have officially spent the last few days at our house suffering from The Great Epidemic of ‘08. Spence and Brynlee have both been infected by the stomach bug. And let me tell you it was a mean bug. A very, very mean bug! Let me be completely honest, I feel like I have been run over by a dreadfully large truck. A truck that after running over me, backed up to do it again. All the middle-of-the night comforting, cleaning up the “oh so close, but not quite to the toilet” messes and the 324 loads of laundry that The Great Epidemic has caused has knocked me three notches beyond exhaustion. Brynlee is asleep now. My husband is lying on the couch snuggling Jace and watching some crime show with the sound muted (Don’t ask me why! I’m guessing it’s for added suspense.) And I finally feel that I can relax. Let me tell you a few things that I have learned from The Epidemic of ‘08:

• If your two-year-old wakes up at 2:00 in the morning complaining that her tummy feels funny. Don’t pick her up and snuggle her. Oh, please don’t pick her up and snuggle her. It’s gross.
• The first time your little girl throws up she is not going to have a clue what just happened. The weirdness of it all may cause her to run and hid. Bless her little puking heart.
• Washing an oversized down comforter and a pillow in the same load of wash may cause your washer to eject a bit a smoke.
• If your child has thrown up four times during the night, and you are completely out of extra sheets and bedding, don’t resort to putting her in your bed. If it’s happened four times already it’s going to happen again. Promise. And it will only leave you with more bedding to wash.

Say a quick prayer for me (oh yeah, and for Spence and Brynlee) that all this fun ends soon. And in the mean time let me tell you about our wonderful weekend. On Sunday Spencer blessed our little Jace. It was a beautiful blessing and made me love my little guy that much more. I am so amazingly blessed to have such a wonderful husband and two breathtaking children. They really are my world. Thank you so much to all the friends and family that came to support us on Jace’s big day. It really did mean a lot to see so many members of the family there. Also, I have some great friends. Thanks Breah and Kali Jo. You guys rock! I also have to mention that we missed those of you that weren’t able to attend, I know that you would have loved to have been there.

The M. Family

The B. Family

Brookie, Alan and Jace

Spencer, Jace and Spence's dad

Me and Jace, My Dad and My Grandpa B.

Here is little Jace on his big day. Look at all the cute little faces that he pulls in these pictures. I think he might get the facial expressions from my side. Oh yeah, and his dad. I zoomed in a little closer for your viewing pleasure! Thanks again to everyone for making the trip down and I hope that none of you end up with The Great Epidemic of ’08.

See how I tied that all together there at the end? I’z gotz skillz.

A Trick-or-Treating Threat

Because I am positive that there are still kids out there that are exactly like my hubbie was when he was a kiddo.

This is Halloween, This is Halloween

Hope everyone had a grand Halloween filled with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Snicker bars and not those ghetto peanut butter nougats in the orange and black wrappers. Those things can seriously ruin the best of Halloweens. In case you are wondering (and I am sure you are), we had a grand ole’ holiday at our house. Because I was slightly worried that Brynlee wasn’t going to get enough Halloween candy to rot out every last one of her baby teeth I suggested that we start the Halloween festivities with some pumpkin shaped sugar cookies.

See that red bowl? That is full of extra butter popcorn. ‘Cause the entire batch of cookie dough that we consumed didn’t quite have enough sugar to get us through the dreadful stirring and rolling that sugar cookies entail.I’m also pretty sure that her bare feet in the frosting zone violates a good 114 health code laws, but it’s really a minor thing compared to the fact that after she realized she had frosting on her clothes she finished the task in her underwear (this was after going through three outfits). And I’m not sure what health code laws say about licking all the cookies before they get frosted or eating the sprinkles straight out of the bowl, but I am guessing it’s not good. On a side note, these are not the same cookies that we took to the ward party or to your house Katie. I know you just gagged a little when you read that. Then for Halloween, Brynlee was a killer, a queen, a bumblebee. She tried to talk me in to letting her go as hobo as evidenced in this picture where the costume is modeled by its designer. I insisted that she be the bee since I had already made the cute little tutu and she agreed.

My little guy was a pumpkin. He threw a bit of a fit because he wanted to be something scary for Halloween, not a silly old pumpkin. Plus, he argued that all the kids his age were going to be pumpkins. I bribed him with a few extra treats and he gave in, but claimed that he wasn’t going to have fun and definitely would NOT be smiling. Here is the little bumblebee and her daddy heading off to go trick-or-treat a few neighbors…in which I was not invited. Brynlee saw an episode of Caillou where Caillou and his daddy go trick-or-treating and the mama stays home with the baby. And since we do everything that we see on TV she was prompted to do the same. And here she is afterwards with the fruit of her labors. I think she might have inherited a small bit of the OCD from her mama, the proof is in the way she organized all her treats before eating even one. Happy Halloween!