Friday, December 30, 2011

Preggy Want a Cracker

Every year we get a new Christmas ornament.
Jace got Batman.  Brynlee got a little gymnast.  I got this one.
Spence couldn't have picked out a better one for me.
My friend Breah is expecting her second child the end of July.  Since her and I are sort of in this whole pregnancy thing together 99% of our conversations are consumed by the joy that is pregnancy.  Last conversation I asked for a reminder, “How many weeks are you again?” 
“9 weeks” she answered.  “I can’t believe it; it’s actually going really fast.”
I responded with an OH, HECK NO! 
And I meant it to.  This pregnancy has been everything but fast.  Uncomfortable?  Yes.  Nauseating? You betcha.  Totally and completely miserable?  Abso-freakin-lutely. 
But fast?  Uhhh, no.  Capital “N” capital “O”.  No, no, no.  As in, not in the least.
I told my doctor at one of my last appointments that I was falling completely apart with this pregnancy.  “Uncle, I’m calling uncle!” I told him.  He laughed and tried to comfort yet another crazy morning sickened pregnant lady.  It’s sort of what he’s paid for, I guess.
But the nurse – she agreed - completely falling apart.  {I really like my nurse, by the way.}  I mean she should know; she’d been the one on clean up duty after I threw up all over their brand new office at my first appointment.  And she was there when I tested positive for my fourth {FOURTH!} UTI since becoming pregnant.  And the abnormal blood work - she’d been the lucky one that called to tell me about that too.  And then when I had the allergic reaction to my amoxicillin and called into the office covered head to toe in an itchy rash, she’d taken my call.  “How many more times you doing to do this whole pregnancy thing, Kim?” she joked.  I ran to the bathroom because the question in and of itself brought on another bout of uncontrollable morning sickness.
Does it make me less of a mother if I despise pregnancy?  It’s a hypothetical question.  I don’t really want you to answer that. 
I mean, I’m aware that there are people out there that enjoy pregnancy.  They get that glow.  Their belly looks like the lady on the cover of Maternity Yoga.  They run a marathon at seven months.  And they go through the entire pregnancy without throwing up.
But not all pregnant women are created equal.  Some experience morning sickness. 

And then there are others of us that fall in the category of weeks and weeks of nonstop vomiting.  My doctor told me it has a name: Hyperemesis.  I don’t care what it’s called, it sucks.
My absolute favorite is when those people that LOOOOOVVVE pregnancy try to offer advice to us sorry puking souls that despise it.  “I hear ginger works” they say.  Or “Have you tried sucking on hard candy?”  “What about saltine crackers?”
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to say “Saltine Crackers?  Get out!  That’s the answer.  Eating a couple crackers?  I’ve been vomiting for four months straight and all I needed to do was eat a flippin’ cracker?”
{For those of you that asked: I'm 16 weeks along.}

Friday, December 16, 2011

Oh My Quotable Friday: Laugh

Other things: 
  • Spencer took his final yesterday.  This semester was so much easier for him than last semester.
  •  I need my hair cut and colored.  Bad.  I haven’t had it done since May 12th.  That makes the hair stylist in me cringe.
  • Jace has been a bit obsessed with the princess dress-up truck lately.  But honestly, he makes a pretty cute sleeping beauty and it’s given me plenty of opportunity to take pictures for future blackmail purposes.
  • Brynlee loves Kindergarten.  Like loves, loves.
  • I’m due June 15th.  
  • I haven’t gone to bed after 8:00 since the second week in October.  So not typical of the night owl in me.  Pregnancy makes you so weird.
  • Speaking of weird, about week six of pregnancy I dreamt that I bought the local Jamba Juice.  So not kidding when I tell you that since then I am constantly dreaming that I’m the owner of Jamba Juice.  I’ve interviewed and hired, made smoothies, hung advertisements, even washed the Jamba Juice windows. It’s sorta like my night job.
  • Brynlee lost her third tooth this week.  Uncle Jake coached her again.  That makes two teeth that the two of them have ‘co-pulled’.
  • I deleted my facebook account.
  • Alan and Jaelynn now have the cutest little bundle of pink living with them.  Chloe Jane.  Our weekend plans are to snuggle her.
  • Spence is done with work this Friday and doesn’t have to report back until 2012. 
  • Which also means that we will be in our pajamas from this Friday until 2012.  It’s just sort of what happens when we are all home together.
  • I spent most of yesterday morning reading Christmas stories and watching Christmas on YouTube in preparation for my Christmas lesson this Sunday.  Christmas stories + Christmas music makes me cry.
  • Cutie oranges are a fav at our house right now.
  • One of my best friends is due a month and a half after me.  I’m excited to have babies the exact same age.
  • Tonight’s plans: put together our gingerbread house.
  • Today’s plans: do some laundry so my kiddos have clean socks.
Happy Friday-ing.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

For the record

Dear Blog-
I’ve been missing you, a lot. 
Cross my heart, I haven’t forgot you.  Just wanted to let you know. 
XOXO, Kim. 

On a completely unrelated note, we are out of everything at my house.  Bread, milk, chicken, ketchup, eggs. . . actually, it might be more beneficial to list what we do have.  Water.  We have plenty of water.  And half a jar of marinated artichoke hearts and well, that’s about it.

I broke the bad news to the kids this morning – it’s a grocery shopping kinda day.  Disgruntled groans and moans of displeasure ensued.

Brynlee made a new house rule when she started school: I could only go grocery shopping on her school days.  It’s a rule that is fairly easy to keep.  Because naturally, one kid vs. two kids.  It really is a win/win for all of us.  But this week I didn’t get it done.  Or last week.  Or the week before.  And today it’s a must do.  I mean, if we want to eat.  And we do.

Fingers crossed that we all survive.  And that I don’t throw up in the Winco parking lot AGAIN.  Because...gross. Just between you and me, but this whole throwing up all the flippin’ time thing is sooo lame.  And sooo exhausting.  And sooo old.  And sooo consuming.  And sooo dang gross.
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