Friday, December 30, 2011

Preggy Want a Cracker

Every year we get a new Christmas ornament.
Jace got Batman.  Brynlee got a little gymnast.  I got this one.
Spence couldn't have picked out a better one for me.
My friend Breah is expecting her second child the end of July.  Since her and I are sort of in this whole pregnancy thing together 99% of our conversations are consumed by the joy that is pregnancy.  Last conversation I asked for a reminder, “How many weeks are you again?” 
“9 weeks” she answered.  “I can’t believe it; it’s actually going really fast.”
I responded with an OH, HECK NO! 
And I meant it to.  This pregnancy has been everything but fast.  Uncomfortable?  Yes.  Nauseating? You betcha.  Totally and completely miserable?  Abso-freakin-lutely. 
But fast?  Uhhh, no.  Capital “N” capital “O”.  No, no, no.  As in, not in the least.
I told my doctor at one of my last appointments that I was falling completely apart with this pregnancy.  “Uncle, I’m calling uncle!” I told him.  He laughed and tried to comfort yet another crazy morning sickened pregnant lady.  It’s sort of what he’s paid for, I guess.
But the nurse – she agreed - completely falling apart.  {I really like my nurse, by the way.}  I mean she should know; she’d been the one on clean up duty after I threw up all over their brand new office at my first appointment.  And she was there when I tested positive for my fourth {FOURTH!} UTI since becoming pregnant.  And the abnormal blood work - she’d been the lucky one that called to tell me about that too.  And then when I had the allergic reaction to my amoxicillin and called into the office covered head to toe in an itchy rash, she’d taken my call.  “How many more times you doing to do this whole pregnancy thing, Kim?” she joked.  I ran to the bathroom because the question in and of itself brought on another bout of uncontrollable morning sickness.
Does it make me less of a mother if I despise pregnancy?  It’s a hypothetical question.  I don’t really want you to answer that. 
I mean, I’m aware that there are people out there that enjoy pregnancy.  They get that glow.  Their belly looks like the lady on the cover of Maternity Yoga.  They run a marathon at seven months.  And they go through the entire pregnancy without throwing up.
But not all pregnant women are created equal.  Some experience morning sickness. 

And then there are others of us that fall in the category of weeks and weeks of nonstop vomiting.  My doctor told me it has a name: Hyperemesis.  I don’t care what it’s called, it sucks.
My absolute favorite is when those people that LOOOOOVVVE pregnancy try to offer advice to us sorry puking souls that despise it.  “I hear ginger works” they say.  Or “Have you tried sucking on hard candy?”  “What about saltine crackers?”
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to say “Saltine Crackers?  Get out!  That’s the answer.  Eating a couple crackers?  I’ve been vomiting for four months straight and all I needed to do was eat a flippin’ cracker?”
{For those of you that asked: I'm 16 weeks along.}

10 comments:

kylee said...

how you manage to still have a sense of humor in the craziness of this pregnancy is beyond me. you obviously rock at life. consider this my get well soon with zero bits of pregnancy advice attached.

KERRY said...

What about a cheeseburger?
Lol, you poor thing! I vomited for 3 months straight with my first so I know how you're feeling :(
Hang in there my friend xo

Megan said...

Wow you sure have been through a lot with this pregnancy. So sorry! Just think- you are {almost} half way there and the outcome will be so worth it!

Miranda said...

Would it have helped if I told you I knew that you had hyperemisis? And that people were just going to tell you to eat crackers (it's called "getting crackered")? Would that have made you feel better? No? Okay...I didn't think so.

You poor dear, I'm so sorry you're so sick. I miss you terribly and wish there was something I could do to help you feel better.

Also, I didn't know Breah was pregnant!

sarah louise said...

All I can say it is a good thing those little stinkers are cute and make it worth it! Pregnancy totally blows, but the outcome is nice.

Natalie said...

Unsolicited advice is the best right? I'm sorry you've been so sick and having all those issues. That's no fun BOOO! Congrats on the pregnancy though!

Debbie said...

oh, bless your heart. I hope you feel better much sooner than later. I found myself pregnant again when my triplets were just a year old. I had bad nausea too(not as bad as yours) and would lay on the floor with babies crawling over me and just cry.

And who the heck can eat a saltine cracker when your nauseated? People told me that too and it made me want to throw up before I even tried to eat it.

Lacy@uphillandsmiling said...

oh, hang in there.... that is NOT FUN!!!! But some how it is SO worth it...

here I go with advice (slap me): it sounds weird, but my sister-in-law told me to carry around a ziploc baggy with fresh sliced lemons in it -- when I feel queasy, I open the bag and sniff the lemons -- it didn't work every time, but at least it bought me enough time to get to a toilet -- especially helpful in the middle of a grocery store or picking up kids from school...

hang in there!! :) Congrats, by the way!

Lindsey Lou said...

Hey Miss Kim, I keep trying to tell myself that we are super blessed to be able to have the opportunity to be pregnant, right? My house is in shambles, and I got the stomach flu this weekend, but it is going to get better I just know it! I am due right around the same time as Breah. My first doctor's appt. is Monday, but I think I am due Aug. 4th. Wish I did have the magic cure for the yucky sickness, because I would totally share it with ya:)

JHNickodemus said...

I hear morning sickness runs in my family. It's not looking good for me either.

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