Thursday, August 4, 2011

My heck kid.

So my little guy is fabulous, right?  Nothing but adorable, hilarious, chocolate covered sweetness that I just can’t get enough of.  I mean, sure we experience the occasional hint of difficulty – but honestly, what parent doesn’t.  Plus, when he says ‘sorry’ – melt my heart - you can’t help forgive him of the occasional wrongdoing.
Except for lately.  Oh, lately.  Hellooooo, my little ornery one.  Seriously, that kid!
I mean, sure he is still adorable, and hilarious, and ever so slightly chocolate covered with sweetness.  But he is also the most rotten little thing.  Like, rotten to the core.
And strangely, it seems that he has developed some weird aversion to anything I suggest.  I make toast – he wants pancakes.  I pick blue – he wants red.  I pack superman – he wants ironman.  And it’s not just me either, we have all fallen victim to his wrath.  Brynlee has the teeth marks to prove it.  Bless her heart.
And about that occasional thing.  Ha!  His meltdowns have become an afternoon ritual and it’s quite apparent that he thrives on seeing how far he can push the limits.  Twice this week I have threatened to leave him in the shopping cart while I made a quick escape to my car.  Alone.  And I wasn’t kidding either.  If the entire store hadn’t stopped to find out which mother/child combo was making all the ruckus on isle number temper tantrum I would’ve left him behind and called it a day.  Honestly...I’ve thought of selling him.  But what horrible, dead-beat, no-good mother would dare do such an outlandish thing?  I would, that’s who!
Ebay//Boy for sale:  Fully potty-trained superhero in training.  Two-years old.  Blonde.  Likes the trampoline, suckers and cinnamon toast.  Can buckle the top car seat buckle all by me-self.  Blue eyes, kissable cheeks and an absolutely sweet sense of humor.  Sleeps through the night.  Jumps off everything and could happily live on hotdogs and ketchup alone. 
Disclosure:  It’s in your best interest to give him EVERYTHING he wants.  Anything else will result in kicking and screaming for the both of you.  Ask me, I know!
Other important information:
**Item up for sale comes from a smoke-free home.
**If buyer prefers seller is also willing to trade two-year-old boy for a camp trailer or a boat.
**Included in this sale: a pair of earplugs, a time-out chair and a bottle of whiskey {just in case}.

Also, seller is willing to take boy back for a full refund + 20% after he has officially graduated from the terrible twos {as deemed by the seller}.

That is all.

Is he not the cutest little stinker you’ve ever seen? 
On second thoughts. . . I’ll keep him.  At least until this afternoon.

15 comments:

Jaelynn said...

Good thing he is so dang cute! Remember when the only way to get him to come to you was for me to pick him up? Well, we could definitely try that this weekend. When you give him toast and he refuses, I'll offer to take him and make pancakes! Believe me, he'll be asking you to butter that toast real fast!

MattandNikiJ said...

Wow. I think about this everyday too. Logan is sure going through a rough time lately too. Maybe I will send him your way and the two of them can play maybe it will cure them both :)! Let me know what you think?!

Jami said...

HAHA! You kinda sound like that gambling addicted, rice eatin, Ti Kwon Do teaching, crazy lady that sold her child for $! I wonder if he threw tantrums too!!! ;)

Kali Jo said...

hey i need that bottle of whiskey.

Megan said...

Funny post! Hopefully he grows out of it soon. (For your sake!)

Kerry said...

Hahaha, let me know how many takers you have on ebay, there could be some good money in this lol. He is adorable, look at that innocent little face...I don't believe a word you've said. Ok. I lie. I have one of those as well, except he's 8 and only just entered his 'terrible twos'...give me strength :)
But I know we wouldn't want for anything else...Except wine. And maybe sleep. And more wine ;)

sarah louise said...

It is common verbiage at my house that my kids are up for sale. Heck I would even give them away sometimes. It is mostly my oldest. He is 11 and still hasn't outgrown the terrible twos. Part of me hopes Jace won't ever out grow them because everyone should feel that frustration and pain on a daily basis, not just me! And part of me hopes he does out grow it cause it makes life much easier. Cute kid! Good luck!

Natalie said...

Oh my! I am not looking forward to the terrible twos at all! Loved this post...too hilarious!

Lacy said...

aww but look at those blue eyes! If the tantrum comes with blue eyes like that and says "sowee" afterward ... it can't be THAT bad ;)

Don't worry. Soon this phase will end and he'll surprise you in all new wonderful and terrible ways.

Lacy@uphillandsmiling said...

He is so cute!! And I would be rich if I had a dime for every time I even THOUGHT about selling one of my kids... but then when they're asleep in their beds and they look so cute I'm glad I didn't!
Fun post!:)

Rachel said...

Hey, I have one of those at my house too. She has just entered into her terrible twos. She is a funny girl, but sometimes! I know just how you feel. Lucy has lost a lot of hair these last couple of months. Naomi comes to me with handfulls every once in a while. Luckily Lucy has a hard head.

Jaime said...

Soooo I was just feeling rather rotten because I wasn't sure what to do with my suddenly rotten child. I mean, she's only 18 months, but lately I just find myself thinking, "oh, so this is really how it's going to be huh? You're really going to be that kid who FREAKS OUT at the toy store because you can't ride the bike and stick horse at the same time as holding the pinwheel and stuffed rabbit? You're really going to be the kid who gets so upset about things that you throw everything in site and bang your head on the wall and bite? That's really going to be you? That's really going to be ME?" oey. Please hold my hand and tell me that this too shall pass. Or at least let me know if you figure out some magic mothering cure....

Debbie said...

I knew there was a reason I liked you! You're honest. And kids are messy and sometimes irritating. Love this post and the humorous slant you put on it.

JHRME said...

Have you checked out Love and Logic? If nothing else some of the scenarios and stories they present are FUNNY!

Nick and Karalynn said...

When she was really little, my Kim told my Mom, "it's your job to set the boundaries, and it's my job to push them." The end.

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